Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i love accidental penises.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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