im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
