Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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