I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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