They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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