so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
