I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
