i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
