i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
