We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Randomize
