I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
