he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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