Will you blow on my dice?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
