I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
