I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
