my sisters under your porch take her home
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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