Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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