She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
