I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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