Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
