In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
