My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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