I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just found puke in my bra..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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