8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
