Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
