Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
