I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
