His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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