Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
