Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
