Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
