Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
