Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
