He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
