I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i now understand why vodka
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
