i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
