Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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