Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
