Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am available for nakedness
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
