Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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