I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
