i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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