I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
