Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
