Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
