Im at strip club and am horny
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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