i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
