sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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