my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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