These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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